The World Is a Vampire

“Set to Draiiaiain.” (The Smashing Pumpkins)
As a young girl I had a Grossology book about all the real-life gross things kids would love to be introduced to to tell their friends on the playground.  Things like a man eating his own metal bicycle (the chain was the best part), weird things animals did in nature. None of them grossed me out except for the one about Tapeworms. I still remember the enormous pink, red and white tapeworm drawn to frame the whole page. It terrified me. I read it with my friend in the bookstore coffeeshop not expecting what was there as we turned the page and it shocked the sh*t out of me.
All the times since then, when the parasite conversation has come up it’s called back this early trauma for me. I get so upset and so stressed out at the prospect of it all that I pretend that it doesn’t exist. Some of my friends in my healing communities have talked about their cleansing of parasites. I just blocked it from entering my awareness and hoped I was still ok.
I remember the worms I saw in my poo when I was 8 despite multiple bubble baths in the week after seeing that book. I was feeling too scared to acknowledge they were real and tell my parents. Only a young girl like me who would one day become a healer would get that freaked out about the illness possible in a human body. This idea inspired a lifetime fear.
This year, at age 31, I chose to do a Superfood 10-Day Transformation Cleanse because their detox regimen is not only super easy. I could still eat every two hours and feel nourished.

This is my first cleanse I have done because I have always been scared to fast. The Master Cleanse with that nasty lemonade didn’t seem nutritious. I read in Acupuncture school that fasting is not good for the chi or the blood. But more than that, I hated feeling hungry. In college people called me Big Hungry. When I became Gluten Free in 2011 I would freak out about the opportunity for my next Gluten Free meal. The anxiety would keep me from going out, or I would piss people off and delay plans by taking forever to cook my own at home before we went out – whereupon as soon as I could I would sit down and eat ALL of what I had cooked.

I couldn’t stop eating. I always had to eat a big big meal and not stop until the crackers, chips, bread was done or the plate was finished and my belly felt like it would explode.

Becoming Gluten Free and limiting sugar and dairy and other things over the years with the cutting edge nutritional knowledge I had in place from school and being in the wellness field gave me side effects of spins and dizziness, and digestive issues that all felt out of my control. These things would sometimes leave me bed ridden (if it was a migraine) or in a groggy fog and having no energy to do anything.  Agony, hunger, and weakness prevented me from getting detoxed to begin with. All these things and more that were due to another being living in my body, wanting the food for itself.

Parasites are Vampires. Ghosts. Most of us have a form of one or the other.

Let me explain.

Most people never think of parasites when they think of their health and chronic digestive, cognitive, and other issues. And many more people than that don’t think of parasites as living in our minds as part of the brain-gut connection or that something in our gut has something to do with our spirit and our ability to be our own Spirit.

Parasite is a bacteria, and it’s a quality of energy that has the same effect to us from a person or from our environment, a sucking out of our energetic life force. A being always looking for a host…

In my research on the Mayo Clinic and the CDC I found hundreds of different kind of bacteria cited as parasites in lists and genuses and species. And it got me to thinking, what other ‘parasites’ do we have around us??

Like a plague of dead rats rotting during The Black Plague, parasites can look like warms and swarms of little black bugs. Vermin. Worms. Toxicity that invade and erode everything they can get into.

Maybe this is one little thing I ate, or one news story I see, or one person I hung out with once last week. But what if they multiply in my mind and body? What if they overtake my ability to think and see clearly and make proper decisions in what I am ingesting? What if they change my brain so much (Chinese doctors called them “gu” which means the same thing about a spirit being within me: that I don’t act under my own guidance, my own channel. Instead I am channeling a shadow. Something else is taking control.

Negative thoughts are parasites. Negative groups, negative people are parasites of ours, stealing life. The national media infects stories of fear, rage, ego, and other lower energies to get us addicted so that we consume and keep consuming. Then, bogged down after a binge, our emotions, our mental state, and therefore our nervous systems are compromised. Therefore more likelihood we don’t have our guard up and can’t ward off more pests. They can get in easier.

This pattern gets embedded into our system so much so that we start to adopt the daily moods that collect around common feelings of depression, anxiety, feeling fat, incapable, and sorry for ourselves. This starts to be the norm. When we can’t get out of our own way to make a more nourishing, positive environment and situation for ourselves we give up. We eat more of what makes us sick. The sickness propagates. The sickness propagates other sicknesses. We feel we are stuck in a hole. There’s nothing to get us out of this mess. No hope left alive to keep a fire alive for your goals and dreams. No one to keep the fire of possibility and joy stoked (“Stoked!!”).

One example I noticed before going on the cleanse was I was slowly caring less and less about my appearance. I had put on weight since my travels and didn’t like my clothes. I stopped putting on make up, I stopped buying nice clothes for myself, and stopped caring how things looked. I started getting comfortable feeling and looking dumpy because I felt gross and dumpy inside. It was unconsciously not caring. I have never felt so low about myself in April and May about my body especially when it was the same things not working in my health and wellness before the cleanse, so having bad eating habits was okay because I knew it was no use anyway. I’m overstating this some about myself but you get the point.

As a practitioner when I treat other people, one of the first things gauging someone’s wellness is they start to put more care and effort into their appearance.  They start to have higher self esteem and self care, which is a kind of self love.

Over visits, and healing sessions (and superfoods cleanses) we learn to eliminate what’s no longer serving us, and to adopt and become what’s new in us. We feel different, and it’s hard to describe how in depth when you’ve let go of something huge that was living inside you.

I knew the cleanse was working because by end of June taking a high grade alkaline diet with the anti-parasite supplements was then Wham: starting to care of myself, to give a shit. I started wearing jewelry again. Then makeup. Then I started making outfits to wear most days. My hair got thicker and my complexion totally cleared up. I started feeling like I deserved better and I saw myself in a better light so cutting a lot of unnecessary things from of my life, my space, and my aura (vibes, vibes) was growing less and less of a problem.

People (who might have parasitic thoughts/parasites) get it turned around that to be unhappy is to be liked by everyone else, we don’t want to gloat, or be too good at something, or too prominent at something or else we are selfish and taking up too much room and too much attention.

This was another edge for me in the cleanse, coming up on my own threshold of happiness and how identified I was with a certain level or certain ‘appearance’ of what I saw ‘happiness’ as. Or ‘sadness,’ ‘slouchiness,’ ‘slovenliness’ that I gave off in the real world. A certain ‘way’ I was comfortable being seen.

Ten-days to completely turn this around.

After the horrible die-off in my brain Day 1 and 2 on this cleanse from all the toxins being released (was like a two day long headache and migraine), by day 7 I was feeling overall in a better and more upbeat mood. More positive. I had an abundance of energy and stamina to do things. I was getting a lot done in my day with clarity, love, and focus. I was greeting people with positivity and strength to help them through their health concerns and feeling positive and excited about the possibilities in my future.

I now take extra care to wash my hands after I pet my animals at home, washing my hands after the bathroom, and making sure all my foods are high quality grade, organic, and washed thoroughly before they enter my body.

I am also aware of taking better care of my body by eating cleaner food, caring for my food and how I prepare it. I’m also exercising more often (because I have so much more energy!), cleaning and washing more. In addition to higher quality food and working up a sweat, I also will have a shower, a salt bath, a sauna, a sage, or a crystal infused chakra clearing.

It was towards Day 8 and Day 9 of my cleanse after eliminating a ton of my bloating, endless hunger and digestive symptoms that I felt myself needing to take a long salt bath + crystal bath with a chakra clearing meditation to clean and clean and clean more. This was a very specific protocol that I stayed up late night to accomplish. After doing these two things in order I slept deeply and awoke feeling like a brand new person inside and out.

Determination paying off – Day 10.

It was Day 10 of my cleanse. Having taken such a positive step inside my energetic chakra system to clean the things up physically and energetically my last day I remember remarking how things I had been striving in work and in life were now flowing to me easily, showing up at the doorstep of my house. It was a totally reset and re-alignment into my future hopes and goals, as a new person.

We all have some kind of parasite. If it’s not from the pork, it’s from the media. People coming into the community clinic where I work are completely distraught – finding themselves ailing, weak, and feeble from reading and following the news every day. They are losing sleep over it, drinking too much, having too much sugar over it. Losing their minds. They are processing deep dark emotions over it. They ask me for help at the same time they are so addicted to the drama, hurt, and fear and go back and turn on their TV or other media outlet. And this is just one example, not talking about other “energy vampires” which deplete us and undervalue the good and well-meaning efforts we are doing for ourselves in others in life. Partners, co-workers, people who just don’t know better, strangers in the metro.

Action Steps

I forcing myself to acknowledge what I most feared by doing this cleanse. I saw the dis-ease I was carrying deep inside myself leave me. I saw the sickness that is there around us. Then I saw how it can get into us and affect us in so many ways. We must be discerning of what caliber of goods, food, and people we let in – the parasites we have to live every day.

The parasites are trying to convince us of something we’re not, eating away at our energy, confusing and disorienting us from who we really are, telling us we need to consume something that we really really don’t, keeping us bogged down and feeling trashy and consuming trash. Until we take radical action to cleanse ourselves, our bodies, our homes, and the varied media, people, and personalities we take in every day that are vampirous energy suckers of our blood and our life chi, we will live a life of sickness and pain.

Watch your body carefully and listen to your cravings, your food intake, and look at your poop. Be careful with your body. See an acupuncturist like me, or another holistic health practitioner.

One thing I can prescribe right now in terms of food you should be eating, is to take the 10-Day Transformation Cleanse twice over a 40-day period like I am doing now – I have a $50 gift card to get you a discount on the Superfood product. I took the most pure form of superfood on the market right now in a really easy and nutrient dense routine where I could eat real food that was good. This, and their Fiber and Detox natural herb supplements were altogether what worked for me and saved me from the pits of hell. What we eat directly correlates to what we become – whole, nutritious, and organic, and SUPER as in SuperFood. So turn yourself into a Superfood (with extra fiber).

If you’re going to do your own thing, make sure meals are small (only a cup serving of fruits and veggies cooked), lots of fiber, lots of water, and these herbs I mention. The best and easiest and most effective (because you get the accountability to!) is to do this Supergreen cleanse I mention with me (starting on July 23!) which has all the organic natural supplements and food over those 10 days to give you a full body reset.

Wash your hands and your food, especially after going to the bathroom or dealing with pet poop. Let’s just get the basics here.
Lastly, establish higher boundaries for yourself. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Don’t lower your standards for anyone. Keep yourself clean. Keep doing your routine that helps you feel strident and relaxed. Do whatever it takes. We are living in a vampire world. We have these bodies only for a certain time before we waste away. Let’s live in the light and concern ourselves with higher matters that help instead of hurt. Things that lift us up instead of bog us down.
Botticelli’s “Primavera”

Acupuncture With A Side of Fried Chicken

I don’t eat fried chicken but I work at a place for fried chicken. The food will always be “Good.” “Amazing.” I say “You’ll love it” to people. Because they will love it. I tried the fried chicken once and it was amazing, and then I had diarrhea and migraines for days. I had to get to acupuncture pronto to help my gut. That, ginger root, and exercise helped it get totally better. And I will still sell both of those things to people touting their goodness for the right reasons.

Granted bar food is so easy to sell. “You’re here for the delicious bar food, right? Do you like grease? Spice? Drinks and beer cheese fries? Doing something totally indulgent? Sweet. Welcome and let me help you get you set up.”

I want to make selling acupuncture this easy. People walking into my clinic knowing what they wanna get, looking forward to the final product, and money is already on the table.

~ ~ ~

 

Since March I took this job at Crisp Restaurant + Bar in Shaw neighborhood of DC, a fast-changing part of D.C., with a lot of cute neighborhood digs.

The restaurant, on 1st and Rhode Island, best known for their hot chicken, a fried specialty, and classic southern-cooked sides such as mac n cheese (super cheesy), collard greens, french fries, banana pudding, and the famous craft cocktail like an Old Fashioned…

Though this chicken joint is ‘not me’ – it IS me.

As an acupuncturist I have been thinking the thoughts of WHO AM I if I eat gluten, or love cheesy mac n cheese, drink soda when I eat out, or have a few bottomless mimosas too many like these other customers are doing.

Where others drop their money on a six pack or some fried chicken, I will drop any amount of money on the right dairy-free milk, the right sugar-free kimchi, or the right gluten-free granola. Definitely I am a bit of a holistic fanatic.  If it’s natural and botanical, spiritual or transformational, high vibrating, food, supplements, or access to higher knowledge, I will pay top dollar. For example I will spend the extra $4 on a juice with juiced parsley in it because I know parsley helps eliminate mercury and free radical levels from the system.

Of course being well versed in the realms of healing, using holistic methods of healing (acupuncture, nutrition, rest, water, breathing exercises, chakra meditations, natural herbs or supplements, journaling, yoga what have you) is my job and I should invest in these things. It’s good to have high health standards so I can teach my patients. I coach people to solve their health concerns sustainably and holistically, helping to move their chi based on how cultivated I am in the cultivation and movement of my own chi.

I had a lot of fears going into a new service job (never mind that I had worked on a coffee bus on Hawaii). What would people think of me as a healer/health conscious person? Would I look less like an acupuncturist? Would I get ostracized or bullied by people at work for being ‘too holistic’? Would I fall back into some old habits (drinking, smoking, not sleeping enough, not exercising enough, whatever) that would negatively impact or compromise my health in some way? Would I pick up some bad friendships or bad vibes dealing with people or would I get along with everyone? And the bigger question for my career, how would I be in bigger and bigger environments around more and more people and still maintain healing presence and a sense of vitality to be able to heal? I ask these questions for myself and for many other practitioners of healing arts or who feel a calling to take holistic measures in their lives but also have to be out in the world interacting with many different businesses, working otherwise for yourself and paying all the bills.

I have been able to make this experience work for me despite my past experiences in bars, in the nightlife lifestyle, which is bringing up past times I was bullied (really!) for having food intolerances or wanting to go to bed early, dealing with bad vibes, and getting myself into trouble. I had shut myself off and distanced myself a lot from what represented to me these oppositional forces. I’ve adopted that I just need to be in the moment with my experience. (Isn’t that always the answer?)

I can now love and accept the irony here. Doing something I want to do that is the opposite of what people expect is part of a soul expansion I am doing- something my soul needs to explore and learn from and grow from for reasons that are mysterious. (This is in fact the hallmark sign of soul work).

 

And I’ll close with a story that I feel is related, learning not to take yourself too seriously making life out to be so linear or absolute…that healing is neither linear or absolute:

In the car on the way home from a retreat with my acupuncture class, I told a friend a bit too preemptively, and a bit too boldly (I was a little grumpy at the time) that she, a recovering alcoholic going to meeting Alcoholics Anonymous, would one day find herself  years from now able to have a drink without calling herself or labeling herself an alcoholic, or feeling the pain or guilt at any trajectory of relapse. I was being a bit of a devil’s advocate.

Of course she got really mad at me because AA was her life, her support, and her community at that point in her recovery. Duh, it was upsetting to her when so much of her life and her transition was tied to this 12-Step program (which is really an amazing resource for people struggling with addictions). I felt bad after I said it, it was not my place to say, and even in my grumpy state, it was coming from a good intention. At the time I had just finished reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘The Power of Now’ and he made this exact point about an alcoholic in recovery.

I know it sounds kinda mean and maybe crazy, especially to people who have struggled with addiction (which, if we lived in our 20s, we all probably have). Definitely we can all agree any addiction is a brain disease (an escape, seeking comfort from the outside, seeking to change your state to avoid old unidentified patterns of pain) that takes a lot of time to heal, undoing karma with people interpersonally and reworking the structure of your life.

I wanted to leave with this above idea anyway, that there will come a day when we don’t need to identify with what we’ve been handed and the wounds we were meant to bear, the labels we have had to carry – we need the story and we need to move beyond the story. Ultimately.

And that would be freeing. Imagine how liberating that would be, if we aren’t these realities, we have already overcome what we ‘thought’ we were without even trying.  We realize we didn’t need those things to be sane anyway, everything is wrote, and we can trust ourselves exactly for who we are for now anyway.

How often do we take for granted how much we have changed that would make an outcome totally different if we truly saw ourselves for who we are Today?

It’s important to continuously let go of the past, identifying with it, letting it define who we are. We can’t let just anything in our life DEFINE us. These things of ‘WHO AM I’ of where I eat, where I work, what I do, who I connect with are not ME – IDENTIFIED. Doing that will limit where our soul needs to experience everything.

I was moved that what I felt was called for was to be a server, and I smile to myself when I think of the term ‘server.’ It’s about being humble and getting your work done and being there for people.

I decided I would trust this idea that kept repeatedly entering my mind (even before my friend who owns the place offered that I come in). I realized I like the service industry a lot. I like the people I interact with. I like the community and the camaraderie and doing business with people. The people I work with at Crisp feel like family, and each of us has our important role which feels very grounding.

I want to sell acupuncture and create community and family. I want to make holistic healthcare as accessible and wonderful as rich greasy food is to the American diet. I am learning about creating the consistency and proper nourishment for everyday people and how to serve up exactly what they want every day. Like a cold beer that could actually be good for you. 🙂

Spiritual Curatives For Emotional Distress

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[Editor’s note: I originally channeled this message the morning of my Vision Board Workshop on January 3rd. I didn’t share it with anyone, yet I feel very strongly to share it today. I happened to have found it today even though I didn’t open it on my computer…hmm.

In light of the recent events of protests and marches, the intense debates online and in the media, the nauseating news stories of the anger, hatred, fear, vitriol that is being introduced by the racist, sexist, money-driven white supremacists running the White House in America and all the people who find themselves caught and unable to look away, feeling helpless, I needed to teach about something I know on the subject.

This is the broadcast for all self-reflective, sensitive, caring and loving individuals, activists, artists, healers on this path who feel affected by what’s going on in the world in some way, who are caught up in the drama, the internet trolls out there, the general malaise of all their friends and family and want to become aware of their own energy field to be better able to cleanse, heal, and serve. Read on:]

Our purpose is to channel love.

Our body is a vessel for spirit to act out its destiny.

Each one of us is a vessel for our own heart’s spirit, the spirits of many other people around us in our lives, and the spirit of nature.

There is a call to bring our Spirit to become alive again, to refresh our purpose and return to our calling to continue to reform and improve society.

I experience in my practice and in the healing of myself and others that there are certain things you can do to bring Spirit to Body. These things all elicit a palpable feeling state of flow for everyone, some having more of a palpable affect of the feeling state of spirituality in the body than others. As you look over this list, you can perhaps recall a time that you experienced something out of the ordinary yet possessing a certain type of miraculous feeling – a “life is a miracle” feeling where you had new eyes and senses from which to perceive the world, new life, new spirit.   These feeling state awareness come in the form of the following activities/items:

  • Taking a Shower
  • Writing a poem or making art
  • Exercising/Sweating
  • Yoga T’ai Ch’i or Qi Gong
  • Going to the movies or reading a powerful book
  • Doing a breathing technique
  • Praying, going to a temple or house of prayer
  • Using stones, crystals or gems
  • Taking a salt bath
  • Having a conversation with a friend or lover that’s really meaningful
  • Writing in your journal
  • Using sage, incense or a candle for cleansing
  • Meditating
  • Participating in a ritual with a tribe or shaman where there is chanting, singing and sacred music with or without the use of an entheogen
  • Sitar, gong, or singing bowl sound healing
  • Getting body work

 

Getting an acupuncture treatment is among the first and most effective naturally healthy and gentle ways to clear your energy field that I have found for my journey personally. The list above can cure the subtle and denser layers in the physical body, that which would normally disturb our ability to see and perceive life through the eyes of love and infinite possibility.

Our spirit continuously renews in the matter in these ways, and having an unending position of gratitude for it increases its potency even more.

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In acupuncture I sense people’s energetic availability in the moment and I have a psychic knowing sense of the various things that are bothering them. I can hear their pain, and where there is a need to let go of certain thought form entities of stuck energy that need to be removed and worked out of the density and released.

We all have sticky auras, because we all need other people to help us grow and evolve, and this is part of our purpose to become aware of these things that were once betrayed to us in the matter. 

The negative entities get in to our bodies starting as some experience in our life that never got cleared and kept being added to our thoughts and memories so much so that it began replaying in our reality day to day. As it grew stronger over the months and years it began to become shoulder pain, neck pain, back pain, lower back pain.

It would come into the body or manifest in the body during certain periods of emotional stress and discomfort reminiscent of this initial invasion. Interestingly it wouldn’t show up at other times when things were more calm like they had gotten out of the environment or away from the person which was caustic, or they became distracted and enlivened by something that made them happy (or by doing one of the above things on the list!) either for a small window of time or through an intentional lifestyle change. There was a disconnect to this thought form which made room for new life and new healing and the freedom of their spirit to exist in the world in a new way.

This is what happens from living out in the world and being subject to life as human beings between heaven and earth, light and dark, form and ether. In order to grow and advance and move into uncharted territory in our lives we have to mitigate our energetic body living in the present moment with the inertia of our past.

We have to be willing to do the present moment, mindful energy work that is necessary to take a quantum leap. We must locate spirit in our lives and see spirit in life and feel spirit in our bodies to be able to heal these things. Whether momentarily or for a lifetime  these spiritual beings incorporate in us so we can, as mediums, be able to augment or eliminate them at will to feel more at ease and control in our lives. All of us are masters of our own lives and healers of our own energy, learning quite a lot over our lifetime about ourselves.

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I’m seeking to take something esoteric like spirit and spirituality and make it physically understood for people so they can have a sense understanding in their body what this feeling is and why it’s important to pay attention to it.

To talk about addictions briefly

This is a repetitive cycle that is compounded of many different influences, ancestral karma, and hurts over time. The longer something goes unexamined, the more it can grow into our bodies causing pain and causing layers of pain. As we release the layers we spiritually grow and are able to help others release these wounds on an exponential scale which helps the whole world.

Addiction is a disease in the mind that we must cure that has a psychological and bodily response in us, causing us to go on automatic to quell the outside stressor that is coming in. We don’t know what we don’t know until we are placed out of the habit or environment that was keeping us numb to our own wisdom our body constantly communicates to us.

Strong addiction is an endless cycle that keeps repeating as the body starts to get used to the highs and lows from the initial impact(s) considering it a normal bodily state. Scientifically speaking, our body adapts to the radical hormone fluctuations that are propagated through the stressor, along with the substance or emotion that comes as an automatic response.

If it’s not an alcohol or narcotic or some other addiction to things, it’s a love addiction or a drama addiction with social implications where the mind can creates upsets like “I’m not getting enough attention,” “I’m not being shown enough love,” “That person is treating me badly,” to act out old recordings of our past. This invokes a familiar pain which we on a subconscious level attract and need to experience over and over again until we receive the instructions for how to unplug from these drainages in our energy system. This pain is so we can grow and manifest under new paradigms the thoughts and beliefs which are in the alignment of self love and forgiveness, defined by us as the masters of our inner world.

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We can easily react from the position of the innocent children as the victim, yet the call is to accept everything that happened to us and is happening to us not as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ notions but to realize that somewhere there’s a karmic ballpark where everything that everyone is doing to one another makes sense for the grander plane of the love unfolding in the world.

Practice one of these self care rituals for half an hour every day and listen to how your body feels before and after.

Receiving healing work from a self-cultivated practitioner such as an acupuncturist can help greatly to unravel these patterns so the body can begin to direct us in healthy ways where we have gone astray from listening intuitively within.

We are made of 90% water, with the same organic compounds as other living beings, soil, and the stars in the sky. It is helpful to use substances from nature for healing such as the ocean or the moon can help to bring these emotions and disruptions out of our body. Salt baths, crystals, as I mention, are some of the things that vibrate at a naturally higher frequency. Nature is constantly trying to help us. The more we can align with the cycles and the gifts of the seasons for great health and ease in life.

The goal of all my mentioning this to you is to be in the present moment with total forgiveness, without judging the mystery of the unknown past and future as it presents itself to us.

As human beings forgiveness for the moment is essential for how we choose our perceptions of reality. We have a soul-need to play out the dark and the light forces in the physical time and space with denser and slower energy of the bodily tissues as we move about, interact, and transform our perception of the world. We are subject to the wills of spirit as matter bumping around with other matter.

When we have the power of forgiveness in our heart we are endlessly renewed to be present in the moment and we don’t get stuck in the illusion of the other thing/person outside of ourselves. We can act according to our higher self in the moment because we are not mindlessly acting from some past hurt or sadness, resentment, anger, fear, grief, or even joy or sympathy in our life (the five emotions in Chinese 5-element acupuncture). From a higher place, the moment contains all power to manifest the justice of our soul’s perception.

Consciousness will spread. The Truth can never be hidden. The messages Spirit needs to come through our channel, is what is meant to be alive and embodied for the matter destiny wherein all beings evolve simultaneously.

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Spirit is always guiding us.  They want to be part of this process with us. The closer we come to the present moment, the more we can allow ourselves to observe the illusion.

When we do this we find new feelings of satisfaction in our day to day life, which is what Abraham Hicks, channeled by Esther Hicks, calls “being in the vortex.” This is the augmentation of positive feelings and a sense of devotion to our higher purpose. This is a feeling state of limitless being which is creating opportunities for effortless magnetism and natural abundance to flow to us. With practice we will be able to sustain these periods of flow and abundance for longer and longer periods.  The grace that is given to us will be given in greater amounts as we transmit these acts of grace to other people.

So the time is to raise our consciousness. The time now is to keep cleaning our bodies and our mental of our attitudes and beliefs. Clean the food that comes in our mouth, purify the water, clean the places we sleep and work, the people we let into our sacred space of intimacy and vulnerability. Go with your intuition. Pick your battles. Retreat when necessary, but never give up on being the sensitive being you are. The world needs this sensitivity. We are hear to uplift others and receive the divine blessings which are abundant now.

With Love,

Lm

#LifeInHonolulu – A Déjà Vu That Is Forever

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Today marks Day 2 of #LifeInHonolulu – in starting my life, starting my life over, whatever you wanna call it, it’s starting to feel like all the same thing.

My astrologer back in April said that Saturn had moved into the first house of my chart (marked by my trip to coastal California mid-October last year) – auguring a pretty literal birth of my body, mind, and spirit. It’s a rare astrological reset that showed up in my chart.

He said everything needed to be reinvented. New hair, new body, new business card, new location, new brand, new everything.

So here I am, taking the advice and moving into my astrological coordinates. That is to say, in the cartographic location of my Moon’s north node. (Everyone has a North and South node in their astrological chart – the South node contains the themes of our past life experiences; the North node indicates themes we need to realize or promote in this lifetime.)

Having moved to Honolulu three days ago, I am still working with quite a bit of fear and anxiety which I have been mitigating through action: doing online research, reaching out to contacts, making time for lots of prayer, visualization, taking proper rest and food.

(Digressing just a little, the food here is amazing. Those half-an-hour trips I was taking to to go to H-Mart, the nearest Asian market in DC, are now a thing of the past. All the Asian goods I love are in every aisle in all the grocery stores here pretty much. A Chinese nutritional heaven!!)

Things I have to do are: buy a car, find a job, find a place to live, and I have to do it mostly on my own. I’ve done this once before in another country…I just need to keep reminding myself that I am wiser, stronger, and more dynamic than all the fears my mind is constantly recapitulating. What helps is to remind myself of all the gifts I have to give and all the ways I can serve people instead of feeling bogged down by the minutiae.

This morning… I opened my eyes at 6:30am. I woke up from a dream where I found soggy wads of money on the ground…

As I lay there in the dawn, various waves of feeling came over me, on a Soul level. This island of Oahu resonates with me on a level I can only barely explain here.

Driving away from the airport in the rental car shuttle as I was first taking in the views, I felt like I had been here before. It felt like I was coming into an alternate hometown of Washington, DC, the same home in a land somewhere else (to my mother’s dismay I’m sure). My first cousin Jennifer who lives here with her husband explained to me that this feeling was “the island welcoming me.”

Chinese medicine states that from the hours of 3am-7am of the Lung and Large Intestine officials in the element of Metal augment a thinner veil between the physical and the spiritual. Therefore spiritual guidance, strong intuitions, inner wisdom, dreams or grief we need to process, or stark spiritual encounters become more apparent at this time.

I wrote in my journal this morning:

I’ve been dreaming a lot. All the details of finding a place and living here feel overwhelming right now.

Yet it feels also surreal, like all these dreams I forgot I dreamed are resurfacing

Like a déjà vu that lasts for hours.

Dreams already dreamed, lives already lived.

I’ve already been here and dreamed in a life here. It feels like I’m walking into a layers of my existence.

It’s like watching a kid’s cartoon from your childhood and feeling everything you felt as a child when you first watched it flood back to you again.

Except it’s ongoing, and all these other things, being recalled.

Seeing your soul’s growth in slow motion and real time.

I’m experiencing a part of myself that is happening now and in the future and in the past,

and on and on.”

 

I’ll no doubt keep you in this loop as to what comes of this mysterious island in the Pacific Ocean – at this lunar coordinate of my life – so in the stars, so in the sea, finding my cove on the rock.

Check back again soon!! <3

Why I’m Moving To Hawai’i

Today marks my last week on the mainland of the U.S. of A. September 6th I’m going on a one-way trip to Hawaii for an undetermined amount of time.

The reasons why I am going are very simple in my mind and in my heart. I’m ready for a new experience, I’m ready to not live in the D.C. area, and I’m ready to take my career to another level in an ocean close to Asia.

Other reasons are I’m ready to live by the ocean, I’m ready to feel confident in my body, and I’m ready to meet a new soul tribe who take their healing work very seriously.

A tertiary reason? I’m ready to get the f out of my parents house! Hah. California is out of the question right now and I’m totally bored with the East Coast.

As things have turned out in D.C., I’ve become estranged from most all of the people I considered close because I just grew out of the ways we were interacting. I’m not your typical Washingtonian. I don’t drink anymore. My ‘healing stuff’ isn’t received as interesting or relevant to most people and conversations often fall silent if they come up at all, something I find very personally frustrating.

I am stifled by the inertia of my past and broke from my acupuncture grad degree without the network or infrastructure of support like many high-level graduates, just a small mortgage to pay off and a lot of needed reform. Everything needs to change, on a micro level in my life so that I may serve, and on a macro scale for all of humanity in making acupuncture the commodity it deserves to be.

Because of all these things I can see, I can’t be the “Old Lindsay” anymore. I can’t even be Lindsay anymore. In fact, it feels more apt for me to change my name completely so people can get used to calling me, and relating to me, in a new way.  It just doesn’t feel like I’m the same person… really at all.

It’s been interesting ending this period of my life in DC noticing the illusions I kept, the people who have chosen to stay, the people who have chosen to leave, and the people I’ve asked to leave…

A funny thing I’ve encountered in this are people who outright offend or passive aggressively avoid me to better distance themselves. I hate drama, and try to avoid it when I can, but sometimes it’s inevitable, and that’s the way a lot of people cope with grief, resentment, or repressed anger. People are giving me shit just to give me shit. Just because I’m leaving…I get it. No hard feelings…It’s human nature (and probably all of us have abandonment issues of one kind or another).

Just let me go in peace. To use a metaphor by Elizabeth Gilbert, I’m the crab, crawling out of the bucket.

In fact, Now is the time of year to be letting go of a lot. Relationships that suck, people that suck, activities that suck, clutter and crap in our space, on our desks, in our computer, in our minds, all the stuff that just doesn’t matter anymore.

(I definitely recommend Marie Kando’s ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because it helps to really see the trees from the forest in terms of what we actually need in our life. I started it in the spring and now am reading the last chapters for the penultimate purge.)

Can you feel it in the air? This end of summer? The change in light, in temperature, in mood? The best way to cope to what can be quite a difficult time for people is to LET GO and lighten the load of this year’s cycle, now in its harvest season.

Just like the peaches and melons and squashes getting large and hanging low on their vine, we too are heavy, full, and almost rotting at the fullness of the year and all that has come to fruition in our lives.

We must slow down in order to be able to digest, in order to savor, and be thoughtful about our hard work and what it has served.  And toss it out – the rotted parts at least so we can make a feast of the rest.

So as I savor what this summer has been, as weird and ‘off’ as it has felt in some regards, a stranger in the most familiar land of my home, I feel more ready than ever to leave for a new place. A place near Asia, near the ocean, where I can practice acupuncture with peace in nature. I’m switching it up.

Make Your Move:

If you’re jealous or feeling some other version of this emotion around my decision, don’t be!

Anything is possible.

Don’t leave yourself out of the good stuff in life.

Discern what is valuable, make a plan, and go on a trip.

Make a list of one-month goals, three-month goals, six-month goals, on up to five-year goals and use it as soul-fuel for your ideal lifestyle. This is a totally internal and self-exploratory process and it ignites itself when you are ready for it.

If you’re in a period in your life where you feel it’s time to let go of people, or change your career, or change your lifestyle or where you live, TRUST THOSE FEELINGS and do it for the thrill of the change and for the beauty and value of what you would learn! They are important markers you must not ignore.

Follow the way of the Tao. Don’t fight yourself, don’t resist yourself.

Get the nuts and bolts and structure in place (logistics, money, time) and then let the Universe take up the rest, lead you where you’re supposed to be.

I’m 30, I have no children and no husband. I’ve been living at home with my parents for a year with no regrets. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve excavated my dark night of the soul for every minute I was to endure it, going through the broke, broken, torn, isolated, and hungry parts of myself.

I’ve been wandering and waiting for “my time” for quite some time. I’ve been through a lot, searching for something real, and lasting, and worth living for.

The dawn is blue.  I’m waiting for my bus with my two suitcases and I’m headed for the ocean.

You can do exactly what I’m doing. Don’t be afraid of your inner voice. You will never be led astray. As my friend Jessica Sandhu said, “I’ve never regretted any investment I’ve made for myself.”

This wasn’t random or an accident. I’ve dreamed about Hawai’i since I was in fourth grade. This was tapping into Life à la carte and coming up with the menu myself.

Dream on, let yourself be, let yourself be guided, and of course, like always, I’ll see you on the other side. 🙂

When Your Soul Goes Bump In the Night

As a sensitive Indigo to energy, you may find yourself picking up on various subtle energies especially in the hour(s) and minutes before going to sleep.
 
As we let go and wind down to get ready for the altered state of consciousness in sleep, it’s often the case that we receive the most clear directives, signs and messages from the inner realms of spirit and divine consciousness (encompassing the beings of our higher self, our ancestors, our angels, and spirit guides) as helpers to see our soul and life purpose.
 
In other words, our consciousness begins to tune inwards to itself in the times transitioning into sleep and transitioning out of sleep. This transition is a natural gateway for Spirit and spiritual matters to enter.
 
Of course transitioning out of sleep, we pay attention to the dreams we just dreamt containing prophetic, insightful messages. If not a dream, a revelation or decision made that occurs to us newly, fresh, from a rested mind.
 
Going to bed however, can be a very different story…The forays into the altered state of sleep can be more tumultuous because our minds are naturally more alert in the time of night, which is why I want to write to you if you find yourself having trouble falling asleep…
 
During this window right before drifting off when all the lights are off but I’m not asleep yet is when I am personally most aware of spirits knocking. Literally. Sometimes there are knocks, creaks or other sounds that you just know there’s another entity or being pervading the space. Sometimes it’s a flashing light or you see or sense something. The Sense we have lets us know that we are being visited by the spirits beyond our physical sight in this realm.
 
Sensing this can be a bit freaky and unsettling, making it quite hard to fall asleep, especially if during the day our soul is already going through a period of growth and awakening: we are at the brink of a big life decision or shift or feeling an ongoing situation stirring a new shift in us. (Or if we are sleeping in a new place and the souls there in your new surroundings are curious about you – this happens too!)
 
If you notice this happening, you can have complete control of the situation by having a spiritual conversation with your higher self and with the spiritual entities trying to get contact with you.
 
Before having this conversation (can be inward or aloud) it is nice to create a bubble of protective white light around yourself by closing your eyes and visualizing this in your mind’s eye. For me, this immediately begins to dissipate the discomfort and fear that often comes up. I call on Saint Michael to calm me, and I can immediately feel a sense of protection and safety when I do this. Call on a guide or an angel in this way.
 
Then, surround your whole room and your whole building/house with that white light, forming columns of light at each of the corners of the room and at each of the corners of the house (depending where you sense the energy) reaching down into the center of the earth so that the space is saturated with light, protection, and safety.
 
Once you have done this you can ask the spirits at this time to either “Leave” if it’s freaking you out (you have the say), or to give you any messages you need that pertain to you. Pay attention.
 
If the energy feels or looks cloudy, dark, or otherwise low vibrational in your encounter/sensing state, create in your mind’s eye (from the third eye) a portal of light. Ask the negative spirits to go through this portal. Sometimes these negative energies are attracted to us and follow us around. This is because they need our help to pass through to the other side.
 
To create this portal, you can imagine a candle glowing and then expanding its orb of firelight to be big enough so that the being can enter it and thus pass through to the other side.
 
If the energy feels uplifting, loving, kind, all-knowing and wise, you can continue to draw calming white light around yourself and around the environment to receive the message and the blessing they came to bestow.
 
You can let this being stay and help you with your soul growth by showing you your dreams and communicating/journeying with you in your sleeping (although this doesn’t make for much restful sleep). Or you can ask it to leave you for the night and let you fully fall asleep.
 
Hope this helps!! Pay attention to the signs and always trust yourself with what you sense. Also know you are safe and protected in the name of Love which was created for this physical plane on Earth to exist.
 
Keep going with your Indigo mission, reading the signs, following, receiving your Divine Calling and embracing the changes you need to for your spiritual path and personal growth. What you have is a beautiful and rare gift and a blessing to us all and we need you to be healthy and happy in order to share it with all of us! I am here for you, and many others who feel like you as well.

Spring Cleaning For the Empath

It goes without saying, being empathic means you feel and experience the world a bit differently that everyone else. Feeling and thinking very deeply about the world in its micro- and macrocosmic layers, noticing signs and people on these inner intuitive levels with the body consciousness is just the baseline awareness for you. That’s why in this transition from winter to spring it’s important to take care of what energies are leaving and what new ones arriving.

In the paragraphs below, whatever resonates with you the most is where you can start on your detox. Feel into your body giving you signs. This is the intuitive part of your body which knows what it needs to help you on your life’s purpose – which for empaths is always front and center to everything they do!

In astrology (something I have been researching more and more these days), there has been a lot of heavy energy, phases ending, grief, emotional chaos, past illusions, and falsehood fading away.  We had a solar eclipse in Pisces on March 8th augmenting the ending of a period that started in October 2013. As an empath you could be feeling all of this, and noticing others going through similar energetic thresholds with the past as you are.

With all this backlogging of emotional pain, dreams deferred or squashed and any illusions we have fostered in ourselves over these two years, along with the equinox marking the time for spring, nature is helping us to make a new start. The call is to allow this period to greatly detox us from the energies our past so we can start this new period with fresh energy.
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Keeping the body clean and free of chemicals or harsh substances is very important to the empath in health. It’s a great time of year where it feels good to have sobriety, clarity and focus on what’s important. Cultivating freshness of the mind through mindfulness and cleaning bad, toxic thoughts from our system through meditation helps potentiate the proverbial seeds of our projects that we are fostering this year and in the future.Sprouts in Glass Jar

You may be feeling called to eat less and eat cleaner, lighter, higher vibrational foods like fresh greens, antioxidants, tea instead of coffee, and lots of water. Sprouts, thistles like asparagus and artichoke, berries, citrus are great seasonal nutrition at this time. Watch sugar intake as well. Try to have maple syrup, honey, stevia, cooked fruit like apples and pears to replace white and processed sugars.

Because the body is such an important part of intuition, psychic ability, and clairvoyant sight into the future, the sensitive empath may choose to try a movement or fitness class never tried before, taking up a new sport, or making opportunities for getting outside more to be able to hear these clues, insights, and illumination from within for guidance. The body wants to move in new ways during this time, which calms the mind to be able to listen to the heart, cleansing the lymphatic and circulatory system.IMG_2159

As an empath going through these motions you may find yourself first called to declutter and detox your space. Wash all the bed linens, put away blankets, remove the heavy winter rugs, rearrange furniture to remind you of the newness and freshness of spring. Add flowers, floral prints, or buy a little plant at the plant store. Collect any crystals you have and cleanse them in the moonlight, with sea salt, or sage. Give away or throw out things you don’t think about or care about or don’t reflect who you are as a person anymore. Open the windows and let some fresh air and oxygen into the space.

On the emotional plane you could be feeling pulled in many different directions with many different people, or find yourself confronted with the reality of another’s pain with your own pain. This is part of the solar eclipse I mentioned earlier. If you haven’t been dealing with it, at least now you are seeing it in retrospect from your higher self. It’s easy to feel people’s emotions and get caught up in their dramas as if they were your own. It’s natural to want to help, but look at the aspects in your life where it has not been helping since October 2013 and take a stand for yourself now.

Using some of these tips will help break up the old to honor the new coming in. Remember that you are special and that honoring your body and listening to your innate intuition will bring many miracles and blessings into your life. This is a season about change in the most basic way, so embrace the ways you naturally feel inclined for this change.

Another thing in my tool bucket is seeing a health and wellness professional to help keep me accountable and engaged in my new routine. Body work, coaching, nutrition…Now is a great time to set up an acupuncture session with me to help move blood and qi, and supporting the body’s natural transition and detoxification of itself for maximum wellness. It also boosts immune function for those suffering from allergies on a physical level, or boundaries with the environment on a psycho-spiritual level.
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What ways are you feeling the shift into spring? What are you noticing in your body when you step outside? What other things do you feel about this season in your intuition? Elaborate on your own experience by leaving a comment below.

Bye, Crazy! Bye!

Environment is stronger than willpower.  ~ Yogananda

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.  ~ Steven Winterburn

Just recently I’ve moved home, back to my parents house in DC.

I’ll proudly state it. I AM living at my parents again and it rules (for the most part). Finally the Tower of my life has fallen like I knew it would… Saturn returned, the Hanged Man has been Hung… I’ll consider this the losing and winning of the game of life all in one serendipitous moment. Suddenly I see how situational things can machete (<– the autocorrect – I’m keeping it) the present moment and make a new moment occur.

In moving home however, I had to sacrifice my Victorian communal living house to begin this crucial step on my journey. I’ll miss it, so great, so beautiful, nestled into quiet Hyattsville with the best coffeeshop ever (where I had a stint) and the nice bike trails.

I’ll miss the wrap around porch, the flowering tree outside my window, the tall ceilings, the beautiful wood, jars of weird healthy shit in the kitchen.

What happened was a male roommate moved in across from my room this past April, and I noticed a recurrence in my body, mind and psyche of the trauma from when I was living with a stalker at my window. Even though I told my roommates I didn’t want him to move in, he moved in anyway.

As he settled in I felt this weird energy from him. I felt my routine and habits were being watched and noted. He was needy, and seeking my attention directly or indirectly from me all of the time. As it got worse, he would send out passive aggressive emails to the house citing me as reason for all his problems, which I see now was a way of getting attention from me.

I felt always needed by him. And because of this, I felt very unprotected in my own home, angry that I had to deal with this trauma again (have to get used to that feeling, because it will always be there), and scared because it felt out of control.

Many times this guy seemed severely disturbed to me. He would express himself erratically, be volatile and seethe in all these emotions or stew in silence. I truly felt like I was living with an insane person and I never knew what to expect from him.

He would complain, stew, use guilt against me every time I didn’t make breakfast for him and also eat my breakfast or other meals with him, or make time to hang out with him whenever I was home. I felt guilty for being in my room.  At its worst, he verbally abused me.

I had to change my schedule, my routine, my clothing, my demeanor to avoid contact with him and curb the neediness he threw in my direction just to preserve my sense of well being. Day in and day out, I felt this building pressure, which was causing me to crave sugar and eat erratically, I had my familiar symptoms of insomnia and anxiety, and sometimes what was crippling fear which was causing my hormones to go off kilter. I tip-toed around my room at night hearing my roommate across the hall – just as I did when I felt the stalker’s presence behind my window.

It was TOXIC, no one in the ‘Healing House’ was respecting or acknowledging this was going on, let alone acknowledging my trauma when I brought it up. The longer I resisted it the more it was hurting me.

Despite all my inner body signals to RUN AWAY I was persistent with having an open mind, changing my thinking and be open to something that ressembled friendship with this dude. My mind convinced me not to heed my intuition, ‘leaning in’ to the discomfort for the sake of learning, believing my stupid roommate when he called it ‘being in community’ – all these excuses and my own denial of what was meant to combust at any moment.

Unfortunately communal houses tend to draw out bad habits and hairy roles and expectations.

It was when I started going to therapy that I realized all that I was putting up with that I didn’t need to, and how I let myself violate my own boundaries, my own life which I desperately needed to live – not spending one minute longer dealing with his mood swings and anger, and these emails showing up in the middle of my workday blaming me for everything.

I am not alone in this story and that this will resonate for other sensitive women who feel out of control in their relationships, personal, romantic, whatever. There are sociopaths, narcissists, and mama’s boys who prey on people like us who know and who care.

Our society expects women to be caring and nurturing, to put our needs aside for others. Our society also values intellect, which means denying the part unexplained by science known as out intuition. By society’s standards, our intuition is false. We’re overreacting, we’re too emotional. We’re just plain making things up when we feel something is wrong.

When something is wrong let it be wrong!!! Please act on it! Trust your intuition above all!!! We are the only species who shuts this part of ourselves off and it gets us into lots and lots of trouble.

I am telling you this story because the respect and care we receive as women is directly proportional to what we feel we deserve inside and this is DIRECTLY reflected in our environment and in the people we are around and of course, what we attract.

There’s ‘leaning in’ to the discomfort and then there’s dealing with other people’s shit. As women we need to become absolutely transparent to this. Relationships and our natural ability to elevate them are part of the creation of community that’s unfolding in society right now and needs healing to be able to create stronger communities.

As an emotionally aware and intuitive woman who has suffered a lot by the way of sexual trauma and abuse with men, not only in this situation but in my past situations and relationships I cannot underscore how important it is for other women to:

a.) have other positive and viable female partnerships – this is SO important. They are the lifeblood of truth and are magical sources of healing
b.) trust your feelings/hunches/gut reactions – they are a vital compass leading you to a better life
c.) express with all the fire in your heart what you feel as a sign for change and do not back down or downplay anything about yourself for anyone. Let men/your partner figure out how to deliver what you need (or let them walk out of your life) and just be the Priestess herself in the meantime
d.) have faith in yourself to manifest your fairy tale!
e.) practice something daily to enhance self-worth – do this last one if you do anything.

This experience with my roommate was just one sad picture into something much bigger – a pattern I was attracting in my life with my relationships. I realize how intensely even the most superficial of relationships or transient of environments DO affect us. THESE ARE VITAL aspects of our life that bring us up or pull us down. It may seem small, but a hundred small things add up to something huge.

We have a right to our needs and to saying no with dignity and grace – this can also be considered divinely feminine, having boundaries. Finally taking a stand for myself in this regard is the gift of a lifetime.

It’s hard to step out of our perceptions and make new moves when our environment is keeping us in routines, reinforcing outmoded beliefs that we haven’t questioned yet. It’s a process unveiling what subconscious thing we are attached to that is, despite our best intentions, keeping us attached and miserable.

Once I let go of the house, the illusion I was living in of its potential fell away, and for the first time I really felt aware of how I had been mistreated and disrespected – like breaking up with someone who wasn’t good for you anyway. In my growing process I’ve learned to strive for and expect more love than what I’ve known ever before in my past growing up, more worth and value than I’ve ever thought was possible.

At my parents for this time, I already feel my energy returning, my insomnia and anxiety dissipating. Feeling more even. My life has become much simpler. It’s easier to get things done, and I feel I am making exponential moves towards my future.

It takes a leap of faith to change where we are, more courage than you can even stand, and trusting that where you end up will be better. The more we can let go, the more the bigger picture can arrive to who we really are and the kinds of places and people we really deserve to support our growth.

My cat Lynyrd and I are happy here. My parents are great roommates! And thank god for therapy. That is all!