Today marks my last week on the mainland of the U.S. of A. September 6th I’m going on a one-way trip to Hawaii for an undetermined amount of time.
The reasons why I am going are very simple in my mind and in my heart. I’m ready for a new experience, I’m ready to not live in the D.C. area, and I’m ready to take my career to another level in an ocean close to Asia.
Other reasons are I’m ready to live by the ocean, I’m ready to feel confident in my body, and I’m ready to meet a new soul tribe who take their healing work very seriously.
A tertiary reason? I’m ready to get the f out of my parents house! Hah. California is out of the question right now and I’m totally bored with the East Coast.
As things have turned out in D.C., I’ve become estranged from most all of the people I considered close because I just grew out of the ways we were interacting. I’m not your typical Washingtonian. I don’t drink anymore. My ‘healing stuff’ isn’t received as interesting or relevant to most people and conversations often fall silent if they come up at all, something I find very personally frustrating.
I am stifled by the inertia of my past and broke from my acupuncture grad degree without the network or infrastructure of support like many high-level graduates, just a small mortgage to pay off and a lot of needed reform. Everything needs to change, on a micro level in my life so that I may serve, and on a macro scale for all of humanity in making acupuncture the commodity it deserves to be.
Because of all these things I can see, I can’t be the “Old Lindsay” anymore. I can’t even be Lindsay anymore. In fact, it feels more apt for me to change my name completely so people can get used to calling me, and relating to me, in a new way. It just doesn’t feel like I’m the same person… really at all.
It’s been interesting ending this period of my life in DC noticing the illusions I kept, the people who have chosen to stay, the people who have chosen to leave, and the people I’ve asked to leave…
A funny thing I’ve encountered in this are people who outright offend or passive aggressively avoid me to better distance themselves. I hate drama, and try to avoid it when I can, but sometimes it’s inevitable, and that’s the way a lot of people cope with grief, resentment, or repressed anger. People are giving me shit just to give me shit. Just because I’m leaving…I get it. No hard feelings…It’s human nature (and probably all of us have abandonment issues of one kind or another).
Just let me go in peace. To use a metaphor by Elizabeth Gilbert, I’m the crab, crawling out of the bucket.
In fact, Now is the time of year to be letting go of a lot. Relationships that suck, people that suck, activities that suck, clutter and crap in our space, on our desks, in our computer, in our minds, all the stuff that just doesn’t matter anymore.
(I definitely recommend Marie Kando’s ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” because it helps to really see the trees from the forest in terms of what we actually need in our life. I started it in the spring and now am reading the last chapters for the penultimate purge.)
Can you feel it in the air? This end of summer? The change in light, in temperature, in mood? The best way to cope to what can be quite a difficult time for people is to LET GO and lighten the load of this year’s cycle, now in its harvest season.
Just like the peaches and melons and squashes getting large and hanging low on their vine, we too are heavy, full, and almost rotting at the fullness of the year and all that has come to fruition in our lives.
We must slow down in order to be able to digest, in order to savor, and be thoughtful about our hard work and what it has served. And toss it out – the rotted parts at least so we can make a feast of the rest.
So as I savor what this summer has been, as weird and ‘off’ as it has felt in some regards, a stranger in the most familiar land of my home, I feel more ready than ever to leave for a new place. A place near Asia, near the ocean, where I can practice acupuncture with peace in nature. I’m switching it up.
Make Your Move:
If you’re jealous or feeling some other version of this emotion around my decision, don’t be!
Anything is possible.
Don’t leave yourself out of the good stuff in life.
Discern what is valuable, make a plan, and go on a trip.
Make a list of one-month goals, three-month goals, six-month goals, on up to five-year goals and use it as soul-fuel for your ideal lifestyle. This is a totally internal and self-exploratory process and it ignites itself when you are ready for it.
If you’re in a period in your life where you feel it’s time to let go of people, or change your career, or change your lifestyle or where you live, TRUST THOSE FEELINGS and do it for the thrill of the change and for the beauty and value of what you would learn! They are important markers you must not ignore.
Follow the way of the Tao. Don’t fight yourself, don’t resist yourself.
Get the nuts and bolts and structure in place (logistics, money, time) and then let the Universe take up the rest, lead you where you’re supposed to be.
I’m 30, I have no children and no husband. I’ve been living at home with my parents for a year with no regrets. I’ve been in therapy, I’ve excavated my dark night of the soul for every minute I was to endure it, going through the broke, broken, torn, isolated, and hungry parts of myself.
I’ve been wandering and waiting for “my time” for quite some time. I’ve been through a lot, searching for something real, and lasting, and worth living for.
The dawn is blue. I’m waiting for my bus with my two suitcases and I’m headed for the ocean.
You can do exactly what I’m doing. Don’t be afraid of your inner voice. You will never be led astray. As my friend Jessica Sandhu said, “I’ve never regretted any investment I’ve made for myself.”
This wasn’t random or an accident. I’ve dreamed about Hawai’i since I was in fourth grade. This was tapping into Life à la carte and coming up with the menu myself.
Dream on, let yourself be, let yourself be guided, and of course, like always, I’ll see you on the other side. 🙂